For these nations that you shall dispossess listen to those who practice sorcery and to diviners; but as for you, the LORD your God has not allowed you so to do.
–Deuteronomy 18:14

“You know it’s not a good idea,” I said.

“Look,” my friend said, “I told God, if you want me to date this girl, then send me a letter from my parents by next week at this time.…